topsy turvy

After a couple of weeks of settling in, I'm starting to be more generally optimistic about my personal and social life, mostly because I think I just stopped worrying about it. I rode down to the Oakland DMV office today and waited there for like 4 hours because I hadn't originally planned to do this today, otherwise I would have made an appointment. I feel better about riding my brother's bike around (which I still need to pay him for) now that I bought a cable lock to use in conjunction with the U lock that I have. I also bought some other materials to keep up with the bike's maintenance a bit. I met a cute girl at the bike shop and now that I think about it I should have really asked more questions about the area and activities to do related to cycling since she would probably know about that. Then again, I don't know how often that sort of thing happens to this person, and I never know when it's socially acceptable to flirt or not. Or if that's even welcome. Or even how to do it. Maybe this whole dismiss-all-concepts-of-relationships idea is backfiring on me to the point where I don't even know how to meet strangers because I can't read social cues. I'm in a whole new state with literally thousands of people I'd probably get along with. I need to start branching out more. My undergraduate method of making friends doesn't seem like it will suit me here, or serve me well, since I don't know anyone here really.

I had a bit of a scare this week as one of my friends told me about an assault that happened to her recently. It killed me, because there wasn't really much I could do about it (or can do about it, because the saga is ongoing), other than be supportive, but I don't even think I'm doing a great job of that. Another close friend told me that it's really alright, that it's not my job to protect my friends. And I know it's not. I can come to terms with that an accept that. I just don't know why I feel so remorseful or guilty for not being able to fix it. Maybe it's been ingrained in my head by all the protagonists in all the story lines I've been exposed to. You just don't sit idly by and watch your friends suffer.